ne plus ultra, rambling

It’s 4am, I’m writing.  I’m not sure why, but here I am.

Work is work.  The bullshit that’s been going on has been pretty unbelieveable, but I haven’t really done much about it.  I’ve been advised to sue, that I should sue, but I like my job, I want to keep it.  And at the same time it’s hard to believe all this bs will really continue, so I’m just kinda waiting and seeing.  I have another trainee right now.  I think by next week he’ll be on his own.  Then, for the first time since I think I started almost 5 years ago we’ll be fully staffed….something will have to happen, we never stay full-staffed.  Does anyone?  The new guy is a good fit though, with the rest of us, so hopefully he’ll stick around a while.

I’ve been doing a lot with my photography.  I had a piece in a coffee shop in January, now I’m a part of a show in a tattoo shop.  This weekend I’m taking part in a modeling/photography charity event (fashionforwardcharity.com).  I modelled.  And I did pictures of models.  Not the most organized project, but I’ve been learning a lot.  And it’s for a local women’s shelter, so it’s for a good cause.  I’m thinking there’ll be a big turnout.  I’m pretty excited about it.

The tattoo shop opening I met a guy who killed his wife back in the 90’s and got away with it.  Fucked up.  You could tell something wasn’t right with him, but intriguing to talk to.  “This is the most I’ve said to anyone in 4-5 years.”  Given the opportunity I’d talk to him again.

I haven’t been the healthiest lately.  Go figure.  I still haven’t gained any weight since my last surgery last year.  I tried stopping the pancreatic enzymes for a couple weeks.  I wasn’t sure if they were really doing anything or not, I haven’t had any follow up visits or anything.  So, experimentation!  After two weeks my pancreas has hurt for a week.  So…yeah.  That was fun.  Then I fell on the ice outside of work.  I put a hole in the knee of my $160 jeans.  And my knee.  And I bled all the way home.  And it’s black and blue.  And I’m supposed to do this modeling thing on Saturday.  My dress is short.

Let’s make this the longest post EVER.

Last Sunday I went to my dad’s house cause the whole family thought he might be dead.  Or that he could’ve killed himself.  At least that’s what we were led to believe.  So I ended up being the one to drive there, to call the cops to get into his building, to talk to the neighbors.  I’m so fucking sick of being the responsible one.  The adult.  When all is said and clear, in my opinion, it sounds more like my parents fucking with each other.  According to my dad his cell phone just didn’t work for a day.  My therapist thinks I need to set boundaries with both of them so I’m not dragged into the middle of all this bullshit again.  I can’t deal with.  It hurts.  I was scared shitless.  When I was 17 I got the call of “your sister OD’d and might not make it through the night”.  I deal with people finding their loved ones dead all the time.  This is way too real to me to have people just fucking around with each other about.  I could go the rest of my life without hearing the words “Your mom/dad did this….so I’m going to…”  My therapist says I need to.

My insomnia is horrible again.  I’m on more meds.  They don’t help.  It’s probably all the crap going on.  The strongest does of lunesta they can prescribe and a sedative.  lol.  They’re supposed to interact and should knock out a horse for 8 hours.  I start waking up after about 2.5-3.  Lucky me.

I forgot my sister’s birthday last week and I feel horrible about it.  Especially since she’s made an effort to make my last two show openings.  I’m not sure what to do, so I haven’t done anything, even though I’m sure that’s not the right answer.  I’ve just been caught up in everything else.

Andrew and I got Guitar Hero World Tour.  I kick ass at the drums.  They’re my favorite part.  I still like guitar/bass, I’ve just always wanted to play the drums, and this is like, my chance.  heh.  It’s fun.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 4th, 2009 at 4:28 am and is filed under 911 (work), family, life in general, medical bs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.